


50 Shades of Breaking Up

by tuneinmymind



Series: 50 Shades series [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuneinmymind/pseuds/tuneinmymind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: In which Zayn and Niall break up. One-shot based on 50 Shades of Gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Shades of Breaking Up

“Get out,” Zayn snarled, pointing to the door, his face contorted with pain and anger while his body and hands shook violently with emotion, causing him to look as if he were vibrating like Jacob did in Twilight right before he turned into a wolf.

Not that Zayn could turn into a wolf, Niall thought, at least he didn’t think so.

It was an odd thought to have, especially in this moment, when his boyfriend was breaking up with him and kicking him out of his own apartment.

“You can’t kick me out of my own apartment,” Niall retorted, the words coming out more assholey than he expected them to, and he immediately wished he had said something else because Zayn’s face screwed up even more and his prettiness became more distorted.

Not that Zayn could ever be anything less than beautiful.

Niall was surprised by how calm he was.

It was as if he didn’t even realize what was happening, as if this entire situation was just one big joke or dream or _nightmare_.

“ _Your_ apartment? This is _your_ apartment?” Zayn replied, and his voice was even lower and more gravely, rough around the edges, but deadly soft in contrast to his previous yelling.

Niall didn’t even know how this entire thing started.

“What? It kind of is?” Niall was confused, oblivious as to why Zayn would focus on that particular part of his sentence. He had found the apartment himself, and Zayn had only moved in later.

After Sean moved out two years ago they had continued to rent it out, enjoying the memories that came with the place and unable to leave it, both finding jobs in the area.

“I think I’ve been living here long enough for you to consider it _our_ apartment, and I’d say I have the right to kick you out of it,” Zayn replied, outraged and still speaking softly, but that bite in his voice was still present and Niall tried to remember a time when it hadn’t been there.

He still didn’t understand what he had done.

_“Honey, I’m home!” Niall cried as he entered the apartment, throwing the door open dramatically and letting it slam shut behind him as he toed his shoes off and dropped his bag on the ground, setting his guitar down softly next to it._

_He was met with silence, but his gaze immediately fell to Zayn, who sat at the kitchen table, head in his hands and barely moving._

_“Zee?” Niall asked, moving to where his boyfriend sat and putting a hand lightly onto his shoulder._

_Zayn immediately flinched under Niall’s touch, shoving the blonde’s hand off of his shoulder in a sharp movement, causing a look of confusion to arise on his face._

_Zayn still didn’t move, though, except his fingers, which tugged through his hair, ruining the tall quiff._

_Niall stood there, speechless and unable to move because what the hell did he even do?_

“What did I even do?” Niall exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air because still, after hours of arguing, he had absolutely no idea what was wrong or why Zayn was so mad and Zayn still wouldn’t say.

Niall wracked his brain for things that would have pissed his boyfriend off this much, but he still couldn’t think of anything.

Zayn couldn’t be this mad at him for smoking his last cigarette, right?

In Niall’s defense, he had been having a stressful week and sometimes he just needed that little bit of nicotine to calm him down.

He replaced it with an entire new pack anyway, so that couldn’t possibly be what Zayn was mad about.

Zayn fell silent, looking at Niall without expression.

“Just leave,” Zayn begged quietly, his eyes wide and pleading and Niall couldn’t believe it, but the brown orbs were beginning to fill with tears, which meant that he was in real shit because Zayn never cried, _ever_.

And yeah, he probably should have stayed, he probably should have kept persisting and asking what was wrong and what he did, he probably should have done a lot of things in that moment, like holding Zayn and catching the tears that were now silently streaming down his face, but because Zayn was crying and Niall wasn’t used to that and didn’t know how to handle it, he decided to just do what Zayn asked and leave because isn’t that what Zayn wanted?

Niall gone?

So, he backed up slowly to the door, hoping that he would wake up or something and keeping his eyes locked with Zayn’s, but the other lad didn’t stop him, not when he almost tripped on his backpack, nor when he reached behind him to open the door, blue eyes pleading for an explanation.

He didn’t really know what to do when he exited the building and was in a daze as he stumbled to his car, but he knew there was only really one place to go because where else would he go in a situation like this?

Liam, of course, ushered him into the house immediately, taking in his dazed and lost expression with worry. Knowing Niall as well as he did, the first thing Liam did was give him food, in the form of homemade pizza (much better than any pizza he could buy at the store), and the blonde easily ate three pieces, only slowing when Liam put a fourth on his plate, which Niall just stared at, as if fascinated by the way the cheese melted into the red sauce and dough.

Liam grew even more worried when Niall continued to just look at it, as if it were an alien, and then, Niall spoke.

“Zayn kicked me out,” he said casually, as if he hadn’t just been ejected from his apartment and as if he wasn’t most likely single now.

He even laughed a little at the end.

And then, he picked up the fourth piece of pizza and began to eat, like his little announcement hadn’t happened.

“Wait, what? What happened?” Liam questioned, watching- a little disgustedly- as Niall shoved half of the slice into his mouth, chewing in loud slurps and smacks that resonated off of the walls.

Niall shrugged, “I dunno.”

And he laughed, loudly.

He laughed and laughed and laughed and this seemed to be a pattern because every time something similar to this happened he would laugh until his cackles turned to cries and he was a whimpering mess in Liam’s arms.

His sobs didn’t let up, even after ten minutes of heavy crying, and eventually, he pushed Liam’s arms off of him, slapping a hand over his mouth as he stumbled quickly to the bathroom, where he proceeded to throw up all of the pizza he had just eaten, as well as the food he had eaten before arriving home earlier in the day.

Liam followed him and was rubbing comforting circles on his back, reaching over to flush the toilet as Niall continued to dry heave, his breathing labored and the taste of acid heavy on his tongue.

Liam handed him a cup of water after he had calmed down enough, and he swished it around his mouth, the room quiet except for water rubbing against his teeth and cleaning the acid from his mouth.

Liam cupped his elbows, helping him stand and ushering him into the guest room, where he helped the blonde out of his pants, and under the covers.

“Just…stay here for the night, yeah?” Liam looked at him sympathetically.

Niall nodded, head pressed into the pillow and body feeling heavy against the soft mattress. It was as if he was stuck and unable to move.

“Can you-“ Niall began, his voice small, and Liam nodded for him to continue. “Can you just hold me?”

He felt like a child again, eight years old, when he had bad nightmares and constantly climbed into his older brother’s bed. Greg always had obliged, and he hoped Liam would as well.

He did, of course, being the best best friend anyone could ever have, and tucked under Liam’s chin, Niall felt as if things couldn’t be too bad, or maybe this entire situation would be all right.

But then, he remembered something and shot up, scrambling to get loose from the abundance of sheets and comforter. He ended up rolling off of the bed with a loud thump, but he found his jeans and reached into the pocket, hand clasping tightly around the object within it.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he squeezed them shut tightly, holding the little black box close to his chest.

~O~

 

“Damn, Liam, looking FAF,” Louis exclaimed before turning his gaze to Niall. “Not so sure about you, Nialler.”

“FAF?” Liam questioned, only to be cut off by Harry, who had entered the house behind Louis and was currently shaking his head, looking amused.

“Lou, what did I say about shortening things?” he asked, and it was easy to tell that he wasn’t as ‘mad’ as his tone implied.

“I dunno?”

“At least explain what they mean? And don’t be rude to Niall…he’s just…you know…going through a rough time,” Harry continued with a pointed look, as if reminding Louis of that one time when they got in a big argument and Louis spent three weeks moaning around the house and moping in his bed.

“It means fit as fuck. Jeez, try to compliment a man…” Louis muttered, but he had a slight smile on his face and it made Niall’s heart hurt because they were joking and laughing and still _happy_ together while he was just left here doing whatever the fuck he had been doing for the past few days (crying and eating and sleeping and watching bad rom coms and crying some more).

He was surprised, actually, that Liam hadn’t fully kicked him out of his house yet because surely Niall was starting to be a nuisance, but Liam had only been supportive, distracting the blonde at any chance he got, making sure Niall didn’t just disappear into the guest room for more than a couple hours at a time.

It helped a little, and for that Niall was thankful, but it didn’t do anything to assuage the stabs of pain and ache he felt when he looked at the bright screen of his cell phone and saw that Zayn still hadn’t answered his text messages or phone calls.

And the best part of it all was that he still had absolutely no idea what he had done for this entire situation to occur.

It kept him up at night, this question of _What did I do?_ and he hadn’t been sleeping because of it, instead, staying up into the wee hours of the morning wracking his brain for answers that he just couldn’t find. Eventually he would fall into a restless sleep, but only for a couple hours before he was waking up from a nightmare and screaming Zayn’s name, summoning Liam into his room, where he would collapse into the arms of his best friend with sobs quivering through his small frame.

“Want to help me cook?” Harry asked, and it was obvious to the three other lads that Niall had been in an entirely different world, but the curly-haired bloke hadn’t spoken to Niall directly yet and he had a little suspicion he knew exactly what had happened, not that he’d tell Niall that.

“Me?” Niall questioned, and Harry was still looking at him expectantly. Normally, he’d jump on the chance because helping Harry cook meant Harry cooking while Niall just tried samples and told him what was needed to make the dish extra good. He hadn’t really been hungry lately, though, so cooking didn’t sound as appealing as usual, but he conceded to his friends’ wishes anyway because Harry had a mad puppy face and his eyes were currently wide and so green and pouty and there was no way he could say no to that face.

Harry didn’t even answer Niall’s basically rhetorical question and just grabbed the blonde’s wrist, tugging him into the kitchen, where Liam had set up different cooking utensils, seemingly knowing exactly what Harry would need.

Niall propped himself on the counter, not even giving the pretense to help, and watched as Harry seamlessly danced around the small kitchen.

Soon enough, the room was filled with delicious smells and Harry was sliding a pan of something into the oven with a satisfied look on his face before turning to Niall and leaning against the counter across from where the blonde was sitting.

“So, what’d you do?” Harry asked, his eyebrows raised and expression serious, giving away nothing.

It was the first time anyone had just directly asked him with no preamble and Niall was almost grateful for Harry’s approach to the situation. He liked that the curly-haired lad didn’t bother stepping around him or acting as if he were breakable because it was better than just pretending everything was okay.

Niall thought about Harry’s question and told him the conclusion he had come to each time he asked himself the same thing.

“I honestly have no idea,” he stated, wringing his hands together because even though he appreciated Harry’s approach he didn’t like the topic and he really didn’t like the way Harry’s eyebrows just raised his to his hairline, as if he didn’t quite believe Niall at all.

Harry’s green eyes still didn’t give way to any emotion, making Niall feel a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“You didn’t- you know- do anything with anyone else did-“

“What the fuck, Haz? Do you really think I would- oh my god! That’s absolutely ridiculous,” Niall exclaimed, cutting Harry off and jumping to his feet, his blue eyes blazing with anger because did his friends really think he would do something like that to Zayn? Did they think he was _capable_ of doing something so despicable as _cheating_?

“I _love_ him, Harry. You should know that. I would never, ever do anything to compromise that,” Niall hissed, and then, he stood up and stalked out of the room, grabbing one of Liam’s sweatshirts from the coat rack before sliding his shoes on and slipping out of the door, ignoring Harry’s shouts and Liam’s hand reaching out to stop him.

He got into his car and screeched out of the driveway, heading in the direction of the one place he could clearly think about in that moment.

He just couldn’t believe that Harry would even question him like that, that Harry would even think he was capable of such a think.

And Harry had to have a good reason for thinking something like that, right? He couldn’t have just wanted to ask that specific question out of the blue?

Did _Zayn_ think he was cheating?

_“Are you sure about this?” the dark-haired lad asked, holding Niall’s hand tightly, the object pressed between both of their hands, reminding Niall of exactly what he wanted._

_Niall looked into the other lad’s dark eyes and saw the questions and suspicion._

_He didn’t want those questions or suspicions to even be present._

_“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life,” he replied, voice strong and unwavering, ignorant of the people around them, not even paying attention to anything occurring in the coffee shop in which they were sitting._

_He was so focused on his task, what he had come here for, that he didn’t realize the other lad was stilling holding his tightly in interrogation and their faces were extremely close together._

_He was so focused that he didn’t see another lad watching, looking completely stricken at the sight of the blonde and the dark-haired lad._

_Niall also didn’t see this other lad practically sprint out of the coffee shop, dropping his coffee on the way out._

_“It was his grandfathers,” the dark-haired lad was saying, and he finally let go of Niall’s hand and sat back, putting distance between them. “Thank you, Niall. I don’t think you realize how much this will mean to him.”_

_Niall sat back and sipped his tea, the object now in the palm of his hand, feeling soft and solid in his grip._

_“Thank you, Danny, for making this possible. I would do anything for Zayn, and I want this to be meaningful. He talked about his grandfather so much…” Niall murmured softly, and he rose as the other lad, Danny, rose. “So, yeah, thank you for helping me.”_

_“Any time,” Danny replied. “It was nice to see you and I expect a phone call when he accepts.”_

_Niall laughed, loudly, butterflies in his stomach even thinking about what he was planning._

_“You’ll be the first one we call,” he promised, picking up his guitar._

_He looked at the object in his hand and with a smile, slid the little, black velvet box into the pocket of his pants._

He knew Zayn told him to leave, but technically, going to the rooftop of their apartment structure didn’t count as going to the apartment, right?

But, of course, it seemed to be a mistake because the first thing he saw as he hauled himself up the last step of the steep metal stairs was none other than Zayn.

And he was beautiful and broody looking and angry and so _sad_ and it broke Niall’s heart even more.

Zayn was smoking, which didn’t surprise Niall in the slightest, and it was obvious from the way his shoulders tightened and how he adamantly didn’t turn his head that Zayn knew he was there.

Niall knew Zayn wouldn’t turn around, he had known the other lad for long enough to know that he had too much pride for even that, so he decided to just come out with it and speak to his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) just as Harry spoke to him earlier.

“I don’t know what I did for you to be hurting like this,” Niall began, closing his eyes and remembering all of the times they had come up to this rooftop to talk the night away. “I’ve thought about it, so much, these past few days. Fuck- I couldn’t _sleep_ because I was just trying to think of what I could possibly have done to hurt you this much. And, I still have no idea. Absolutely no idea.”

He paused, opening his eyes to find Zayn in the same spot as before, still not moving and looking extremely tense.

So, he continued,” And then, Harry spoke to me today. He asked me if I cheated on you. If I _cheated_ on you. And I couldn’t even believe he would suggest such a thing because I can’t imagine ever doing such a thing to you, not when- not when I love you this much. But, it made me think, if Harry was wondering this, he had to have a good reason, right? And if Harry was thinking this, what would stop you from thinking the same thing?”

Niall was feeling frantic now, his heart beating erratically in his chest and he didn’t know why he felt like this but he felt as if he could buckle over or something.

The wind was blowing roughly around them and it felt so much like a bad soap opera but he needed to show Zayn, to tell Zayn.

“I was at our favorite coffee shop the other day before I came home on the day you kicked me out,” Niall stated softly, and he saw Zayn tense even more for some reason that Niall didn’t know. “I was meeting with someone, well, not just someone. You know him, actually. He was helping me do something, probably the biggest favor of my life, actually.”

Niall laughed and it came out as a cackle, sounding cold and emotionless and far from happy.

He couldn’t believe this was what it was coming to, that it was going to end like this.

This moment was supposed to be something big, something important, something _beautiful_ , and it had been reduced to pain and heartbreak and hurt instead.

“Look, the details aren’t important, but I just want you to know, I would never, _ever_ cheat on you. I love you, Zayn Malik, with everything I have in me, and I don’t ever want you to doubt that. I love you and there is no one else for me, there will never be anyone else for me.”

Niall backed up, tears welling up in his eyes because Zayn still hadn’t turned around and was looking tense as ever. He stepped onto the steps leading down back into the apartment complex, but stopped right before making his way down.

“I don’t know what I did, but just know that I’ll never stop loving you and-“ Niall’s words choked off as he tried to hold off a sob, slipping his hand into his pocket and clenching it around that one object. “I’m just- my intention was to do something different with this, but I think you should have it because it was made and meant for you and he would have wanted you to have it, regardless of the situation. So, I’ll just leave it right here, by the top of the stairs, yeah?”

Niall set the black box down, stifling his sobs with a fist in his mouth and he turned, quickly hurrying down the stairs and practically sprinting to his car because that felt much too similar to a goodbye and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet.

He was already gone and driving by the time Zayn turned and walked over to the stairs to find the small, black velvet box.

The dark-haired lad opened it to find the gold wedding band that had belonged to his grandfather and when he pulled it out of the box, sliding it onto his fourth finger, it fit perfectly, sliding right into place, and he cried then, wondering what in the world he had just done and if there was any way to fix his mistake.

~O~

“Where the hell did you go?” Zayn hissed, his eyes wild and furious as he glared at the lad standing in front of him. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe the past couple of months, and he was so _angry_ he couldn’t see anything but _redredred_. “How can you just _disappear_ like that? Do you know what you’ve done to all of us? Liam? Louis? Harry? We’ve been out of our fucking minds!”

Zayn knew what he must look like- crazy, psycho, insane- but he couldn’t bring himself to care in that moment because the past couple of months he had gone to hell and back.

“How could you, Niall? After everything? How can you just disappear for _three_ months and not even leave a note, or send an email, or a pick up the phone and just _call_? But no, you wouldn’t even answer your phone and then, I find it, in the guest room of Liam’s house. You didn’t even _bring_ a phone. You could have gotten hurt or _died_. Do you know how that feels? Not knowing? And then, this arrives, two months in. You sent a fucking post card. ‘Greetings from Russia,’ and all it says is ‘I love you’ and ‘I’ve paid the apartment rent so don’t worry about that’. I can’t believe you, I just cannot believe you…”

Zayn’s rant diminished to nothing but quiet hiccups and labored breathing while Niall looked on, face completely unreadable and blue eyes tight and so bright against his pale skin.

They continued to stare at each other, Niall noticing how tired Zayn looked and Zayn noticing how _good_ Niall looked.

It was as if Niall didn’t even care that he was at home hurting, as if he didn’t even understand just what Zayn had been through with the blonde gone and his location unknown.

At least in the three days he had been at Liam’s Zayn knew where Niall was, but these past three months, he had no idea. He had no idea if the blond was dead or alive, or with someone else, or somewhere else and it was probably the scariest thing he had ever experienced.

But now, Niall was back and standing in front of him, completely unharmed and looking so _pretty_ and he was practically fucking glowing, while Zayn felt as if he had diminished into the barest of bare, to nothing.

“I didn’t think-“ Niall began in a breath, but Zayn cut him off.

“Yeah, that’s quite obvious, _Niall_. You didn’t _think._ ”

Niall inhaled slowly, his eyebrows pinching together in pain and maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been as well off in the past three months as Zayn thought he had been from the initial first glance.

The blonde’s blue eyes fell on Zayn’s hand, his left one, and the glittering gold band that sat there, and then, his gaze was immediately on Zayn’s face, questioning and sharp.

“You- you’re wearing-“ Niall stepped forward in a rush and grabbed Zayn’s hand, inspecting the gold band up close, his pale fingers tightening around Zayn’s darker ones.

After a moment, he threw Zayn’s hand down and moved away as quickly as he came, buckling a little as if he was in physical pain.

His back was to the dark-haired lad, and Zayn couldn’t do anything but stare because he had imagined this scene so many times and all he imagined was Niall coming back and picking him up and fucking him against the door while begging for forgiveness.

He certainly didn’t imagine Niall standing in front of him, back turned, shaking with silent sobs.

“Niall?” he begged, wondering if he should be the one asking for forgiveness.

He was the one who started this whole thing, after seeing Niall with his best friend Danny in their favorite coffee shop.

Of course, the day Niall disappeared he found out that Niall wasn’t, in fact, cheating on him with his best friend and was just getting his grandfather’s wedding band so that he could propose, which was the best and worst thing ever.

The best because he wanted it, so much, he wanted to be married to Niall.

It was the worst, though, because for the past three months, he had to live with the fact that he had ruined it with his absolute foolishness.

Niall finally turned around, wiping his cheeks and meeting Zayn’s gaze with bloodshot eyes.

“I started in Spain,” he said softly. “And then, I just went wherever. I had my guitar and two changes of clothing. I played in pubs and bars for money and food and just went wherever. I’d meet people and they’d say, ‘Hey, you wanna go here? I have a place you can stay.’ And I’d say yes and just go. Two months later, I found myself in Russia. I was cold, so fucking cold, and you know, the only thing I could think about was how much I wished you were there with me, to cuddle and to keep me warm. I imagined you saying, ‘Guess we’ll have to stay naked the whole trip. Don’t you know, naked skin on skin is much warmer than wearing clothing all the time; it conserves body heat.’”

Zayn didn’t know when his hand had slipped into Niall’s, but he squeezed tightly as the blonde spoke because this story hurt to hear for some reason, causing a tight ache to pull around his throat and chest.

“I stayed in Russia the longest. A family took me in and let me play at their pub and stay in their home. They had a son, a gay son, and they didn’t quite accept him because he had this boyfriend, but they were so in love. Young love, the type you have in the first couple years of dating. It reminded me of what we had once, at the beginning. I told them they should love him no matter what because if they pushed him away they would never get him back and regret it for the rest of their lives. They listened.”

Niall fell silent, and Zayn welcomed the quiet, how he could practically hear the strong, rhythmic beating of Niall’s heart and how he finally had the blonde back, right there, in his grasp.

“The thing is, Zee,” Niall began after a couple minutes, using his old nickname in such a familiar way and the ache just continued. “I travelled so much and I met so many people, but no matter what, no matter where I was or with whom I was, I could only think about you. I saw you in every sunset and you in every rainfall. You were in Spain, dancing through the clubs, and in London, shopping in the stores. You were just _everywhere_ , and then, with that family, you were in that relationship. You were the boyfriend, the boy with whom the son was in love, and I just…I had to come back because it was always you and it is always going to be you. I tried to run away from you, to get away because I couldn’t handle the thought of you not wanting me and hating me, but the thing is, _I can’t stay away_.”

And that was it.

That was what Niall needed to say and what Zayn needed to hear and they stood there, breathing heavily because there was this emotion floating through the room and it was wrapping around them and squeezing like a boa constrictor around them.

“What does this mean?” Niall whispered, lifting Zayn’s hand up, eyes fixed on his ring finger and the gold band that sat there, shining up at them. He pressed the lightest of kisses to it, letting his pink lips linger on Zayn’s soft skin.

Zayn couldn’t help himself as he leaned forward to press a responding kiss to Niall’s lips.

This reunion was nothing he imagined but everything he ever wanted, and Niall was everything he wanted, and he was right there, so present and real and human.

“It means yes,” Zayn breathed, answering a question Niall hadn’t even asked three months ago, but one that Zayn had wanted more than anything to hear and to answer ever since he opened the little black box. “Yes, I would be honored to marry you.”

And in that moment, as Niall’s eyes lit up and a wide smile broke out on his face, Zayn knew that he felt the same, that there was no one else for him and there wouldn’t ever be because Niall, well, he was everything.

“I love you, too, Niall Horan.”

~O~

**Author's Note:**

> Back in the 50 Shades world! I've missed this fic a lot, so this was a little reminiscent! (: .xx


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